Fiesta!!

I have a love affair with dishes.

 I would love to collect all kinds of dishes, but I tend to limit it to Fiestaware.

 It is a little bid crazy--my love of Fiestaware.

 It started with My Great grandma's house as a little girl.

She had this cabinet where she kept all her dishes. There they were in all their bright, multicolored glory.

 I think my Grandma Bates's house to me always represented home and safety. We never lived nearby growing up. We were always the out-of-town grandchildren.

Grandma Bates's house is where people gathered.

You'd walk in and she always started feeding you.

She always said she had nothing to eat--but things would start coming out of the refrigerator.

 Lunch meat first, then the home-made noodles that she made the other day, the homemade rolls, and she did have a few pies lying around somewhere.

Then there was always some special treat in the cookie jar for the children.

The children of course my siblings, my cousins, my mom, her siblings, her cousins. My Grandma and her siblings. We were all children at Grandma Bates's house.

My whole life she always lived alone (minus a two year journey to her daughter's house--which resulted in her moving back home alone)--yet she always cooked and cooked and cooked.

I live alone and I only cook when I have to take food somewhere or if I think someone may come over. Maybe she was just always welcomed people into her home.

So my great-grandma died a few days shy of my thirtieth birthday. Most everyone wanted the cookie jar, I wanted the Fiestaware(it was original but chipped--the value was in my heart).

all was auctioned off to strangers

A few years before that I started buying Fiesta ware.

Usually serving piece seconds at a pottery outlet.

Then I started getting serving pieces for holidays from my family.

Then when I bought my house-my Mom started buying me place settings.

Then my sister and friend did too. The collection grew.

In the last few years, I have stopped buying much, mostly because I have more than my little house will hold.

Yet, I want more.

I tend to be pretty conservative and pretty country cottage in my decorating style.

So the Fiestaware to me is my little bit spicy

.I think it is my personality coming out--I want to be a little bit sassier than I am.

I guess there are worst ways to express this than through dishes.

Leading Lady?

I love the movie The Holiday.

There is some immorality that I don't approve of but I like the idea that you can get away from your comfort zone and make a change in your life.

For Kate Winslet's character, she is escaping her ex-boyfriend who she is still in love with and to whom she is stuck as the best friend. She meets an old Hollywood screen writer and begins a journey of self-discovery. The screenwriter explains to her that in movies there are best friends and leading ladies.

She begins to ask herself is she the leading lady in her own life.

 I think this is a question that I need to ask myself.

Do I star in my own life and not just be the side-kick?

I'm not talking about being selfish,but being the person in my life who takes action.

I find that often my life events are because of other people.

 Other people's feelings for me, other people's wants, and other people sins.

I even have trouble deciding where to go out to eat and often just go with the flow.

So how do I balance not being selfish with starring in my own life?

 How do I take more risks?

 How do I be a responder and not always the giver?

Do I even let myself be captivated by God's love?

I think I need to take a risk and be the leading lady, in my life, in some man's life and even to God.

 I am His and He is mine.

Two old Friends!

OOPS!!! I can't believe I said that. I can't believe they came out of my mouth. I cannot believe I said that to someone I adore. I thought I was only annoyed but out came all my anger. There they were those two old friends--still with me--still inside of me--still waiting to fire dastardly darts at whoever gets in my way.

I have always been a good girl--yet for some reason I have always struggled with cursing. I in fact have always called it my revealing sin--when they start to trip out I realize that I need to submit to God--that I am off track.

Yet why today--I feel that I am growing closer to God. I am really understanding the power of the gospel in my life.

I guess the truth is that my true sin is not that I let the two old friends come to visit--but that I thought I was too much of a good girl, too righteous to say them.

Oh Lord forgive me for my self-righteousness. Thank you that I need a savior, not for my past, but for my present and for my future. Thank you that the gospel is for me-whether I'm being good or cursing like a sailor.

I pray for restoration of my relationship with this person you have blessed me with.

Grasping  His Grace and My Sin,
Dawn

Table for One

I am single. I am 43. This is not what I thought my life would be. It is the gift that God has given me for this time. I am open to it changing anytime.


Married people like to tell me that my life is easy. Sometimes I think it is. These same married friends tell me about them not being able to balance their checkbook, mow their lawn. Things that they do not know how to do and their husbands do for them. I just try to figure all of these things out for myself.
February and all the talk of love, can be a hard time. I try to love on some other people to not be caught up in the love hype.



I recently read a blog about how hard it is to want a baby and all your friends are having them. For me singleness is also about infertility. The children your heart longs for and you are pretty sure that you will never have.

I am obsessed with adoption blogs. I have always longed to adopt. I am not sure it is right or good to do this on you own. Plus I never seem to be in the right place in my life.

Sometimes I just want to go out to eat or spontaneously go to a movie--but who wants to do it by yourself. I know those with children don't get to do these things either, but a night with the kids sounds dreamy.

Not that I don't like the perks of being single. Watch what you want. Stay up all night reading. Sleep when you want to. Hog all the covers. Getting to be the aunt--who my nieces and nephews call to entertain them or play with them.

I want to be loved. I am so loved by God--yet I am not that great in basking in his love. Would I really believe that someone loved me if they did.

I want someone to love. Yet I am terrible at showing those I love that I do. Plus I do not adore my Lord as I should. Yet he loves me.

I think the hardest part is that you are going through this life alone. I am surrounded by family and friends. I believe in the power of the body of Christ to work together. Some times the loneliest part is leaving somewhere and seeing families leave and its just you.
People talk of taking care of their parents--and I wonder how I will do this. I tease my nieces they need to take care of me when I am old. Yet I do fear this.

I know this is a sad post but sometimes I just have to be honest. I have loved many things about my life thus far. I will still love my life if I remain single, if I never adopt children. I just want to admit that the longing is there.

Loved by Him,
Dawn