Table for One

I am single. I am 43. This is not what I thought my life would be. It is the gift that God has given me for this time. I am open to it changing anytime.


Married people like to tell me that my life is easy. Sometimes I think it is. These same married friends tell me about them not being able to balance their checkbook, mow their lawn. Things that they do not know how to do and their husbands do for them. I just try to figure all of these things out for myself.
February and all the talk of love, can be a hard time. I try to love on some other people to not be caught up in the love hype.



I recently read a blog about how hard it is to want a baby and all your friends are having them. For me singleness is also about infertility. The children your heart longs for and you are pretty sure that you will never have.

I am obsessed with adoption blogs. I have always longed to adopt. I am not sure it is right or good to do this on you own. Plus I never seem to be in the right place in my life.

Sometimes I just want to go out to eat or spontaneously go to a movie--but who wants to do it by yourself. I know those with children don't get to do these things either, but a night with the kids sounds dreamy.

Not that I don't like the perks of being single. Watch what you want. Stay up all night reading. Sleep when you want to. Hog all the covers. Getting to be the aunt--who my nieces and nephews call to entertain them or play with them.

I want to be loved. I am so loved by God--yet I am not that great in basking in his love. Would I really believe that someone loved me if they did.

I want someone to love. Yet I am terrible at showing those I love that I do. Plus I do not adore my Lord as I should. Yet he loves me.

I think the hardest part is that you are going through this life alone. I am surrounded by family and friends. I believe in the power of the body of Christ to work together. Some times the loneliest part is leaving somewhere and seeing families leave and its just you.
People talk of taking care of their parents--and I wonder how I will do this. I tease my nieces they need to take care of me when I am old. Yet I do fear this.

I know this is a sad post but sometimes I just have to be honest. I have loved many things about my life thus far. I will still love my life if I remain single, if I never adopt children. I just want to admit that the longing is there.

Loved by Him,
Dawn